On Birds:

Did you know birds are the only dinosaurs that made it out of--- whatever killed the dinosaurs? The avian breed of light-little-fuckers are some of my favorite things to stare at. Hummingbirds specifically. Did you know their wings are borderline impossible to film without over-cranked speeds (that's faster than 24fps) and they eat flowers? Motherfucker I haven't even begun to talk about birds.

The most efficient animal is the condor. It burns the least calories to move a kilometer. Peafowl arguably are the biggest drug dealers in the avian kingdom. they have to spread plumage and trounce around like trippy little fuck-men. Jesus Christ, even most insects can't disarm other insects just by shaking their butts.

Remember parrots? Those evil creatures? Yes, I will call parrots evil because some of them invest so much time in being assholes they just miraculously learn to speak English. Most birds sing. Ever heard a cockatiel whistle? It's beautiful every single time. Parrots mostly waste their time cussing at you and repeating mean-sounding shit. (Although the Crimson Rosella is a total babe).

The bald eagle may be the bird of choice for Americans, but I generally think that's because they aren't goddamn vultures (back before the internet you had to be a bird-watcher to understand the difference between the dino flying-fuckers who ate corpses and the ones that didn't. Thus we value eagles. Hell, I think "The Eagles" named their band after those winged average-ass brown and white fucks because they knew the American record market would eat that up).

But there are little tropical birds that just dart around to be colorful. There are herds of birds that flock about in formations because bird culture is actually a thing. Fuck, the tiniest birds (bee hummingbirds) just want to hang out and kiss stuff to stay alive. See how weird this shit gets?

At least Penguins did that cool thing where they learned how to raise babies. That movie Morgan Freeman did in 2005. We're apparently hellbent on melting the very ice they live atop, but hey, if they could pull one miracle off--- maybe 2 isn't out of the question.

Just kidding. Stop killing the fucking birds you idiots. I swear to fuck we've had an electric car since the 1900's and retards still keep fucking up the various precious ecosystems that exist independent of capitalist meddling? Eat a dick, I want to be an old man with lots of bird friends. Don't fuck that up for me or I swear to God I'll get angry and go on the war-path.